5 signs your partner may not be emotionally smart

Sometimes dealing with someone who isn’t emotionally smart can be difficult. When it comes to romantic relationships, emotional complexity is closely linked to emotional availability.

Partners who aren’t emotionally complex are often more closed off. They either don’t experience emotions in the same way or they don’t have the tools to access and speak about them, which can leave their partners feeling confused, frustrated, or alone. Below are the signs that your partner isn’t emotionally smart.

1. They strive with empathy

Empathy is so important in a relationship—you want to know that your partner can put themselves in your shoes, so you feel supported and understood. But if you’re not emotionally complex, it can be very difficult to imagine someone else’s point of view and, even if you can, to actually feel for other people.

2. Easy to walk away from relationships

Whether it’s a friendship, a job, or a romance, it’s hard to make a clean break even when we know we should. But often, people who experience emotions more simply find it a lot easier to just walk away.

3. They hide their feelings

You may have someone who seems to get upset or has a short fuse but seems unable to explain what’s going on in their own mind. It can make relationships incredibly depressing because you’ll feel like you can’t break through to reach them because they can’t even let you know what’s going on.

4. Always think in black and white

One of the reasons some people can move on is that they think more in black and white. While most of us live in shades of grey and recognize the moral uncertainty of a situation, emotionally simple people see things as good or bad, as working or not—with nothing in between.

5. They avoid emotionally charged discussions

For those who aren’t particularly emotional, those big, deep conversations can be a minefield. Either they don’t have the emotional complexity you do or they don’t know how to access their own feelings enough to have a conversation about them. If you find that your partner avoids those big talks then that can be a sign.


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